In a new series of short articles we will be presenting stories to help with identifying and understanding life patterns which may be relevant to you or others that you know. This post takes a second look at how the Unrelenting Standards schema could impact your life (read the first here). For more information about this schema, read our page about the Unrelenting Standards schema.
Do you find yourself hitting a wall, with feelings of frustration that you cannot meet your goals?
Steve is unfailingly conscientious. At work Steve finds others incompetence unacceptable. Steve feels annoyed at his colleagues however, he is finding that he also is repeatedly hitting a brick wall at work. He feels that he and his colleagues should always respond to emails immediately. As he is eager to respond immediately he rushes through his replies and tasks and misses many emails as he deletes them so quickly. His manager speaks to him about his impulsivity however, Steve asserts that he isn’t worried about his carelessness and enjoys chaos. Steve becomes desperate, self-critical and sad as his work situation deteriorates and his manager places him on a performance management plan for his carelessness.
Through the process of schema therapy Steve becomes aware that he holds himself and others to exceedingly high standards. This is one of the reasons for his problems at work. Steve identifies that he resists these standards through demonstrating the opposite behaviour. Steve becomes aware that in childhood he missed out on guidance in finding his own way and finding a balance between the pursuit of achievement-oriented goals and personal needs, such as health, happiness, intimacy, and relaxation. Steve became aware that his parents prioritised work commitments above personal needs.
Working with his therapist Steve develops a wellness plan in the My Goals feature on Secure Nest. Creating a number of goals, he balances them between career objectives, devoting time to develop stronger relationships with those around him (at work and in his home life), as well as leaving time for fun and pleasure. He uploads an icon to represent his goals.
Steve sees this image every day as he logs into Secure Nest and it acts as a constant reminder of the goals he is aiming to achieve with the help of his therapist.
The Secure Nest Team