It’s difficult to find the right words, but being there helps

Hands cupped holding a big heart. My original hand painted illustration.
Life is about sharing, about making connection. Being with each other's feelings

The idea for this blog was just not there. My mind was blank. That’s what happens when emotions have been all over the place for some days.

Yesterday morning I planned a run with a friend before work. We shared about the recent shooting in Utrecht, a few blocks from where I live. Then about the shooting in Christchurch and we connected over our thoughts, feelings and actions. Suddenly I felt calm and quiet inside, just running together in the morning glory.

And then the words for the blog popped in.

Life is about sharing, about making connection. Being with each other’s feelings. That’s what Theresa Wiseman calls empathy. In schema therapy this is a central part of what the therapist has to offer. Being there as a therapist and as someone who expresses feelings, thoughts and actions, when helpful for the client.

“The truth is, rarely can a response make something better — what makes something better is connection.”

The Guardian wrote “Jacinda Ardern is showing the world what real leadership is: sympathy, love and integrity.” I would say she also showed empathy.

The mayor of Utrecht, Jan van Zanen, in his first interview after the shooting said: “and then I made a video on my phone to tell people to stay in their houses to be safe…. I don’t think it was in the protocol.” That moment he was just really there for us.

I feel sad about what happened recently. Let us share our lives and our energy with each other from our Healthy Adult island.

Our sorrow and hope for healing goes out to those who are hurt, violated, and grieving.

Diana Kleijzen
The Secure Nest Team


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Secure Nest provides personalised online therapy tools designed specifically for schema therapy. Read more here or register for your free trial.